I’m Not A Psycho Killer!



I’m not one to over react but, when you get a text that says: So not that I want anyone dead but….. and a photo of a hand holding a penny you just have a bad feeling that what’s about to happen next is sure to be reenacted on NCIS.

After a few second of blankly staring down at my phone, scratching my head and quickly looking over my shoulder I decided to text back the number: Who is this? My phone is already ringing from ominous phone number…. “Hey! It’s Shawn from the appliance store! AND I’m not a PSYCHO KILLER! I just realized that you have no idea what my cell number is, it’s just that yesterday when we talked you told me that if it was another penny you were going to kill the tenant…..”

Lesson learned don’t tell the appliance people that you intend to kill a tenant they apparently take way to much joy in watching people getting killed over pennies stuck in washing machines.

Something Better Be Burning Down

You know that old saying “You Can’t Fix Stupid” here is a perfect example:

Me: Hello

Tenant: Hi, my hair dryer is not working

Me: ok…

Tenant: and the lights aren’t working in my bathroom

Me: you must have blown a fuse I’ll send maintenance over as soon as possible

Tenant: Well, the lights in the rest of the apartment aren’t working either matter of fact the lights in the parking lot are not working either. This is a real inconvenience; I have to get ready for work

Me: …. Did you just say that the lights in the parking lot aren’t working?

Tenant: (sounding annoyed) yes

Me: Do me a favor and look around at the other houses around you. Do they have lights on?

Tenant: ah… No

Me: Did you ever stop and think that your neighborhood doesn’t have power?


Me: Listen to me very carefully if you have no cable do you call the cable company?

Tenant: yes…

Me: And if you don’t have internet who do you call?

Tenant: the internet company

Me: ok… so why would you call me if you have no electricity?

Tenant: Well I couldn’t use my hair dryer

(The tone of my voice has gone from very calm to if I could climb through this phone and eat you I would)

Me: Listen to me very carefully if you EVER call me again before 8am something better be burning down – CLICK

How Did I Get Here & Why Am I Not Wearing A Helmet?

Let me start off by saying that I did not choose to become a property manager, Property management chose me (kind of like a stray cat chooses an owner you don’t really want the cat but, the damn thing is just so persistent that you just go ahead and let it in)

A little over 4 years ago a very good friend/ co-worker was in a terrible accident he thankfully got better and went back to being his miserable old self but, strangely became a little smarter and, by smarter I mean he refused to go back to being a property manager (head injuries work in mysterious ways).

Little did I know that my life and drinking habits were about to change forever