Something Better Be Burning Down

You know that old saying “You Can’t Fix Stupid” here is a perfect example:

Me: Hello

Tenant: Hi, my hair dryer is not working

Me: ok…

Tenant: and the lights aren’t working in my bathroom

Me: you must have blown a fuse I’ll send maintenance over as soon as possible

Tenant: Well, the lights in the rest of the apartment aren’t working either matter of fact the lights in the parking lot are not working either. This is a real inconvenience; I have to get ready for work

Me: …. Did you just say that the lights in the parking lot aren’t working?

Tenant: (sounding annoyed) yes

Me: Do me a favor and look around at the other houses around you. Do they have lights on?

Tenant: ah… No

Me: Did you ever stop and think that your neighborhood doesn’t have power?

(Silence)

Me: Listen to me very carefully if you have no cable do you call the cable company?

Tenant: yes…

Me: And if you don’t have internet who do you call?

Tenant: the internet company

Me: ok… so why would you call me if you have no electricity?

Tenant: Well I couldn’t use my hair dryer

(The tone of my voice has gone from very calm to if I could climb through this phone and eat you I would)

Me: Listen to me very carefully if you EVER call me again before 8am something better be burning down – CLICK

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One thought on “Something Better Be Burning Down

  1. Trust me this is not limited to tenants. I worked as a Network Engineer for a company that had numerous high profile clients in high finance. If one of their servers went down while the market was open they stood to lose untold fortunes.

    In spite of that they persisted in spending as little as possible to keep antiquated inefficient and shaky equipment online, even as they raked in untold millions.

    I received a frantic call one day from one of the CEO’s. Those people who get million dollar bonuses even while they lay off hundreds and go up on customer fees. He was distraught because he could not find “Clippy”. Clippy the talking paper clip from MS Windows XP Professional.

    Asking him a battery of questions (my company was charging him $150/hour for my services), I finally found that the issue was not that Clippy was missing from his computer, but that he was indeed using his secretary’s computer (obviously she had brains enough not to need a talking paper clip to hold her hand through basic computer skills).

    One radio station used to run a parody commercial similar to those ones for colleges where you go back and learn a new career skill or trade. It was called the “School of Low Tech”. It had voice-overs of the instructor saying “Shut the door!”, “Turn off the lights!”, “Don’t cross against traffic!” and such.

    Case in point, I was friends with two “Rocket Scientists”. No joke, these guys actually worked for NASA. I was working on an organic farming project with one and he was looking for his glasses. I looked at him and they were on top of his hat. I pretended to look around the barn for them while casually mentioning that I sometimes left mine on my head while reading. He conveniently “found” his on the workbench…

    The manager of a large department store chain to me and the other two workers in their stockroom: “I need you to build a platform up there in the back of the storeroom so we can store the delivery of fans coming tomorrow. It doesn’t need to be strong enough to hold you guys, just to put the fans on”. (total weight of stockroom help = 500 lbs. Total weight of fan shipment = 6 tons).

    Common sense is a rare commodity. The principle of “Occam’s Razor” states that we should always examine the simplest, reason and solution first and then move up in complexity until the cause is determined. Most folks are taken in by “Beady’s Corollary to Occam’s Razor” which states: “The simplest path is also the most boring…”.

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